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Ok, here's some more 'stuff,' at the bottom of this page are the latest The Cat's Ear magazines, cause I don't feel like making another page that needs to be linked, loaded, etc. onto the web. That's all for now that I can think of. TTYL.
As a New Year's special, I provide for you here a link to a chart that tells you the Zodiac year you were born in, animal, element, and 'aspect', which looks like polarity to me. So, without any further ado, here it is: a Zodiac chart. Keep in mind that this calendar was used not only by Chinese, but also Korean and Japanese societies. Maybe I'll work this into my story...
This is my site. It has some interesting things so far, if I do say so myself. For example there is the cassowary page, and a quoll page is coming. Now that it's summer, I'll have lots of time to work on stuff. I'll divide my time this summer between working on the site, goofing off, and writing a book I call The Next Great American Novel.
UPDATE (7/17/05)
I am doing my best, but cannot think of any good designs for the quoll page.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
I was looking over my site the other day, and I realized: my site is not linked
to a Gary Brolsma site. This is a horrible thing, seeing as how half the
planet is logging on to a such site, and about an eighth of the planet is
humming
"Nu ma nu ma iei nu ma nu ma nu ma iei"
Jump to GaryBrolsma.net! A must see!
Friday
Today I was coming home and we were stuck at a stop light. Looking out the
window, I noticed that the building on the corner was a horrendously ugly brown
building that was home to at least two separate (or are they?) businesses.
On the first floor, there was a dentistry, and on the second floor (at this
point I wiped my glasses to be sure that the sign said what I thought it did) on
the second floor was an insurance office.
Book Rejoice, for Chapter 2 is here!!!
Big-word-a-phobia (sadly, this does not come up on any Google searches)
My blog on which you are being strangely compelled to post something due to the fact that the comments box is horrifyingly empty on everything!!!
The Harry Potter Questions Page has MOVED!!111 It now resides at Hogwarts: A History
EmeraldFire & Swords
The Cat's Ear or read the Web Version Here!
Coming soon:
The quoll page!!! Beware of the quoll!
Pictures that I've drawn-possibly others?
Badger song
Letters
Game
Partly annoying, but strangely amusing
Ancient Roman Names
(how to construct your own)
The Order of
the Stick an amazing web comic to read starting from number one. Haley
is my favorite character. Treasure!
Cool Harry Potter
site. Raise a Mandrake and get a wand!
The Phrontistery- a great place to
look for interesting words.
I'm so goth
page-hilarious!
copyright 2006 emeraldmist01 All rights reserved last updated: April 23, 2006
you can link to my page, but please inform me on my blog (Tour Guide Barbie voice) Thank you and have a nice day! G'bye!
The Cat's Ear
Volume II Edition I March 2006 $.25 © JB 2006
Storylines:Fly
Advice
^==# (=! /<=: #$@=#$# \&*] @[<{\*@ -$]]~^$
Pac-people Take Over the
World!.....................................p.3
Comics!...............................................................................p.6
Since When is The Cat’s Ear a Magazine?......................p.4
Dear Advice-Person…………………………………….……p.2
Our ZANY Advice……………...………………….………….p.4
Tip of the Month……………………………...……………...p.2
Word of the Month…………………………….……………..p.2
My Random Thoughts……………………………..………..p.6
Recommended Listings…………………………….………..p.6
Featured Article: by JB…………………………………......p.5
Storylines:Fly……………………….……..………………...p. 1
Stuff:(Focus:)Codes…………………………………………..p.5
From the Editor:
Dear Reader,
I suppose you might be wondering why The Cat’s Ear hasn’t been ‘out’ these past few weeks. The answer is, well, you’re looking at it! I decided that it would be too much work for so little product to have one newspaper a day, or even one a week. So, The Cat’s Ear has been converted to a magazine so as to have more ‘stuff’ crammed into it so as to give the reader (you) more stuff to read. I know that on average, this is less stuff, but there are a few new items, and I hope to add one about every two months.
As to the price on top, it is mostly there to make this look more professional. Pay it no heed. Please enjoy the magazine and send in any articles that you have written. I can offer no guarantees that it will be published, however. Remember that as editor I reserve the right to change anything or take out an item. Disclaimer: This magazine is not to be taken seriously. It is created purely for entertainment.
The Editor
Recommended Listings
Compiled by staff
Movie: Kung Fu Hustle-very funny, sometimes so stupid it’s funny.
Book: Inkheart by Cornelia Funke-a tale of two worlds colliding in our time
Music: Amish Paradise by Weird Al-you have to see the music video.
Obscure: Numa Numa Dance-search ‘gary brolsma’ and see this hilarious video lip-singing. Or just go to garybrolsma.net.
My Random Thoughts
By JB
Have you ever wondered if your name is the name of a website? Or a place? Or anything? I have. Turns out my name isn’t much. Just a couple of actresses and a musician or two. Also, my name can never be found in any name dictionary, seeing as how it is a variation the publishers of the name dictionaries have not heard of. Oh well. The closest thing to it means long, dark, or even soft, hair. Kind of funny, like a self-fulfilling prophecy, since my hair is long, soft and dark. That’s all for now. I challenge you to find out what I challenge you to find out what your name means. TTYL!
COMICS!!!!!!!
ART AND IDEAS BY JB
Comic Art unavailable on the Internet.
p. 6
Stuff:(Focus:)Codes
By J. B
This month’s ‘stuff’ focus is codes. They’re really easy to make, and are quickly learned. Here’s one I made up. Can YOU decode the message on the cover?
~ A + N Note: / goes before a name, place, or title.
! B = O
@ C { P
# D } Q
$ E [ R
% F ] S
^ G \ T
& H : U
* I ; V
( J ”” W
) K ‘’ X
_ L < Y
- M > Z
Featured Article: Leprechauns
By JB
Fairies. These fabled-or are they- creatures of myth were vain, tiny, flower-people, tricksters, helpers, you name it, they did it. However, our article this month is focused on leprechauns, due to the holiday this month: St. Patrick’s Day. I would like to ask in advance: please do not pinch me on St. Patrick’s Day for not wearing green, not only is it childish, I am not Irish. The only reason why people wear green on St. Patrick’s Day is so that they do not get pinched.
Back to the subject, leprechauns are tiny men who usually have red hair and wear green coats and breeches of a sort and large green hats with black or shiny gold buckles. They are known to cause mischief of all sorts-I remember my kindergarten teacher made a mess of the crayon baskets on St. Patrick’s Day and blamed it on the leprechauns.
However, Eoin Colfer deviates from the usual mythology and describes the LEPrecon as the elite of fairies, the police people that all young fairies-centaur, gnome, elf, dwarf, pixie, everyone but trolls-aspired and dreamed of becoming. Everyone wished to one day don the black suits and cutting-edge of technology gear and go fight the forces of evil.
ARTICLES NEEDED!
Do you write in your spare time and wish that it could be published? Want to see your work appear in The Cat’s Ear? Then send in any articles or developed ideas you have.
p. 5
Since When is The Cat’s Ear a Magazine?
By the Editor
The Cat’s Ear has been a magazine as of February 1, 2006 when I realized that this is just too much work for an ailurophile like myself to do every day, with so little product. Sure, it will be less total than before, and there will be only four more issues this year, but it will be a much better whole product than before. I still have lots of things to do everyday, like normal people, and I can now do this in my spare time. Somewhere in the magazine, oftentimes in the back, will be a questionnaire or survey asking you for your article ideas, as well as articles. With only three people working on this magazine, two of which only submit an article or two, it is very hard to pull this thing off every day. I will also be featuring the art of a wonderful anime artist every month, who will (hopefully!) provide us with many of their wonderful drawings.
Those of you who completed my survey last month, thank you so much for your great input! It was really helpful in putting this all together.
Our Zany Advice
Compiled by The Cat’s Ear staff
This month’s advice is as follows:
“If you meet Bart Simpson on the street, don’t eat his shorts!”
Staff
That would be NASTY! He is always saying, “Eat my shorts.” Who would WANT to eat his shorts???!!! Who knows where those vile shorts have been? God only knows how dirty they are! Also, he wears the same outfit every episode, doesn’t he? Except for when he dresses up for a little RPing… If you must eat Bart Simpson’s shorts, please wash your mouth and brush your teeth! For the love of all that is human, don’t eat Bart Simpson’s shorts!!
p. 4
Pac-people take over the World!
by JB
We were most distressed to find the other day that Pac-people, mistaking humans for ghosts, attempted to eat all people in our civilizations on this Earth, and therefore gain dominance. Many people responded to these giant pie graphs as shown above. I myself hid under a blanket until I woke up.
p.3
Dear Advice-Person…
By MJ
I have not received any letters from people. I am completely serious about giving advice. Don’t be shy. Please send in a note or letter telling me about you problem. I will tell the Editor a solution and it will be printed here, without names. I am not looking for a way to get the latest gossip, just a way to help people. I am disheartened that no one has sent in anything. However, I do understand that there are currently no problems, aside from there being none.
Take this poll!!!!
Answer the question by placing a mark next to the answer is closest to your view.
Which
is the best dessert?
PIE
CAKE
COOKIES
CANDY
FRUIT
OTHER
Word of the Month
Ailurophilia:
love of cats
I myself am an ailurophile, as you can probably tell from the name of this
newspaper.
Note: Try to find this word in the magazine!
Tip of the Month
Don’t try to socialize with vampires, leprechauns, or evil witches. They can be very mean sometimes. And geese. Geese are evil. DOWN WITH GEESE!!!!!!
p. 2
Storylines: Fly
By J.B
The day they left was a cold, gray sort of day; the sky looked as though it might weep at its own dreariness. It was hard to believe that where they were going it was now summer, on the bottom of the world. Great wings of all colors-leaf silver, night black, star-white, sunset, and many, many more-flapped hard, arms clutching small bundles. The wind picked up, blowing hard, and then a silvery sound rang out-a bell?-and suddenly they were gone, the winged ones, without me.
I walked back to my stone cottage slowly, depression drenching me as much as the rain that was now beginning to fall, gently as tears at first, then harder. I sat alone by the crackling fire, wrapped in blankets and listening to the rain hit the dark wood roof. I attempted to amuse myself by creating large, iridescent magically longer-lasting bubbles from some soap, but it was of no use. I tried to take my mind off of the empty village by creating paper flowers that looked so real one almost expected a bee to land on them. I made magnificent sugar paste items-flora, fauna, animals, you name it-but it was all of no use. Alida would have tried to catch the bubbles without popping them, Alleta would have been by my side making the flowers, and Bertrand would have been trying to steal the sugar paste creations to eat.
Sighing, I told myself, “Canace, you have got to quit moping. Figure out a way to get to them. But you can’t get to them, no matter how strong your magic is, because of your wings.” I looked back at my wings. They were dark, with small flecks of white throughout them, like stars. Everyone in the village had expected me to be the best flyer in the village of our winged selves. Though I was small, smaller than most in the village, my wings were somehow cursed and I could never fly. But a malevolent witch had cast a curse on me so I could never fly, just because I had come across her as a young child while she traveled the land. The hearts of everyone in the village had been broken, for one of their number could now never fly. Even our clever, sweet village witch could not think of a way to reverse the curse. Only the witch with such agony in her soul could do that. And she had vanished, never to be seen again.
So Slaniyehkwa devised a way to gift me in a way few of the winged ones were: I would have the power to speak to animals, call forth plants and spirits as well as animals, scry a little, and above all, I would be so busy studying these arts I would not envy those who were learning to fly. I would be equal to all in talent, though I would not have what they had and they would not have what I had.
At first my parents had carried me in their arms during the flights, but I soon grew too big. I tried to devise ways of using my powers to traverse the land, but to no avail. I was doomed to remain forever locked to the earth.
I learned to deal with all of it, but I was always, beneath it all, saddened and dreaded the yearly ordeal of staying alone in the winter.
Winter is too cold for a person that cannot cover up a part of their body that was as essential as a pair of legs. There is no way to wear a sort of coat over wings and fly. It had been tried many times, but even with the lightest of fabrics over their wings, each hopeful warm flyer was unable to fly more then a meter.
So I became what is called in our strange and beautiful language as a “dssa-aeis.” A no-flyer. An aees diba. A cursed girl.
p. 1
April Issue
And now Presenting
our latest and greatest Storyline:
Of Roses and Snow
Original Story and Art
by EN,
with aid from KN
Story unavailable on the ‘Net. Sorry
p. 6
Recommended Listings
Compiled by staff
Movie: Lady Hawke-set
in a medieval world of magic and witchcraft
practicing bishops, French Navarre sets out to save himself-and his
lover- from the curse of the bishop who loved a lady and was
scorned.
Phantom of the Opera-who’s the mysterious figure lurking
behind the
scenes?
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace-Four words: bad title, nice
Vader
Book: Tales from the
Brothers Grimm & Sisters Wierd by Vivian Vande
Velde-a collection of hilarious spins on old tales--and you just gotta
love
the name of the author
Myths & Legends: retold by Anthony Horowitz. Good stories,
retold
for modern kids
Music: Hotel California by The Eagles-I know it’s cliché, but really.
Obscure: Crazy frog-a great ’net animation without dialogue that gives a wacky video with an annoyingly catchy song.
My Random Thoughts
By JB
Have you
ever wondered about why people use ‘X-mas’ instead of ‘Christmas’? Have you
ever thought it was rude, even disrespectful? Well think so no more, because I
shall put an end to that. In Greek, which was the language to write in
at the time that Jesus lived, the first letter of ‘Christ’ was the modern-day
equivalent of ‘X.’ So there’s an end to that.
Also on a Christmas-y note, why is some fat old guy stalking you?
It’s just creepy. “He sees you when you’re sleeping, He knows when you’re
awake…” I’m getting the chills.
BTW…
By GG
In a few billion years
scientists believe that a black hole at the center of the galaxy will begin to
devour us.
Black hole at the
center of the galaxy…
YOU’RE ON NOTICE!!!
Wal-mart has
more employees than the U. S. Army. They have more bases (stores), too.
Wal-mart you’re on
notice.
Note: this is an entertainment magazine. We do not stand for or against any major corporations.
p. 5
Stuff:(Focus:)Codes
By JB
This month’s ‘stuff’ focus is riddles..
They’re really easy to remember, and are quickly learned. Here’s a few:
Riddle: An Italian judge released a guilty man and convicted an innocent man.As
a result the confectionary industry has greatly benefited. Why is that?
Clues: The Italian judge tried a rebel, but released a robber. The judge was
not in Italy when he made the judgment. The judge, the rebel, and the robber
never ate any chocolate.
Answer: The Italian was Pontius Pilate, who released Barabbas and condemned
Jesus Christ to die by crucifixion at Easter time. Every year Easter is marked
worldwide by the sale of millions of chocolate Easter eggs.
Riddle: What can go from there to here by disappearing and then go from here to
there by appearing?
Clues: It is something you see every day. In fact, you have seen one in the
last few seconds.
Answer: The letter ‘t.’
Riddle: If there are 12 six-cent stamps in a dozen, then how many two-cent
stamps are in a dozen?
Answer: 12
Featured Article: Easter Bunny: Harmless Rabbit or Psycho Sociopath?
By JB
The Easter Bunny. Known by
many and feared by none. Every year, this rabbit sets out to hide many eggs
filled with candy, money, or anything for children to find. It’s all fine and
good, right? Wrong.
Why is this overgrown rabbit hiding these eggs? Why do we pick them
up? I mean, we’ve all been taught, “Don’t take candy from strangers.” And yet,
it’s okay to take candy from some egg-laying, egg-painting rabbit that we’ve
never seen before? What is this? Why is this rabbit giving out goody-filled
eggs to children? Is it a harmless do-gooder? Or s it something more sinister?
Here’s one explanation: He’s a psycho sociopath, stalking children
with his old drinking buddy, Kris Kringle. However, they need different times
to do their thing, so one, an ancient symbol of fertility, takes Springtime to
do his stuff, and the other, a modern day symbol designed to heighten children’s
greed, takes winter, Christmastime.
Here’s another explanation: He doesn’t exist. It’s just the parents
hiding the eggs. Ha!
Here’s another: it’s just this poor, harmless rabbit, hiding eggs with
goodies and doing nice-guy stuff-or is he?
p.4
Tip of the Hat
(Good Job)
By GG
Tip of the hat to people who read this magazine. You are supporting
journalism and the economy. You are the heroes of America!
Note: when told this magazine was free, the author simply said “oh well, then
they’re just supporting journalism.”
Our Zany Advice
Compiled by GG
Things to remember if you have a civil war:
-have
many generals: if you win, it’s easier to make a chess set and name memorials
-have soldiers write down their experiences fighting their ‘brothers’ for future
books
-mark battle locations for re-enactments by future generations’ movies and such
-the
leader of the winning side must have a commonplace hat that will be regarded as
amusing by generations to come.
If you are attacked by a bear, lie on the floor and kick your legs in
a cycle /pedaling motion. Bears are afraid of wheels. ^_^
===Quick
Quotes
I rant,
therefore I am.
--Dennis Miller
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
--Oprah Winfrey
p. 3
From the Editor:
Dear Reader,
This month’s issue is all articles, a very jam-packed magazine. We have
introduced our newest and latest Storyline, Of Roses and Snow, and are very
proud of it. Our storylines are coming along great, and will be published here
in the next two magazines as well. Yes, I said two magazines, there are
only two more months of school! Hard to believe sometimes, isn’t it?
Anyways, this magazine edition has been a little hard to do; I’ve been
working as a prop person for the play Guys and Dolls, which I have to attend
every rehearsal, even tech rehearsals even though there are no cast members to
assist with props. Oh well. C’est la vie. At least I can get all of my
homework done.
So, this summer I will publish some not-as-packed magazines on my
website,
www.emeraldmist01.50megs.com. It’s on a free server, so you get annoying
pop-ups after you visit. Just kill them. X in the right-hand corner of the
screen. Die, pop-ups, DIE!
The Editor
Take this poll!!!!
Answer the question by placing a mark next to the answer is closest to your view.
Which
is the worst bird?
Goose
Seagull
Duck
Crow
Last
month’s results: “Pie” and “Other” tied.
Word of the Month
Schaudenfraude: the joy one experiences at another’s pain or misfortune
I experienced major schaudenfraude when the thief who stole my purse was also
found guilty of numerous other crimes, and sentenced to many years in jail for
them.
Note: Try to find this word in the magazine!
Tip of the Month
Don’t bring shiny things-like glasses-to the beach and drop them. Seagulls like shiny things. A lot. And they also like fly off with them. ‘Them’ meaning your shiny object and possibly prized possession. Evil seagulls!
p. 2
Storylines: Fly
By J.B
During Bfov, a midwinter holiday celebrating the return of the sun, food, warmth, and above all, family, I sat alone in front of a slowly dying fire, since I could not be troubled to walk a few feet out the door to replace the wood. A small, wrapped package lay in my lap, a gift Slaniyehkwa had slipped to me just before she had left with the others. Closing my eyes, I remembered what she looked like with a smile. Silvery hair-our hair silvered instead of graying-with wings light as clouds, and the light orange, pale blue, and white of clouds in that time just before sunset. Then I remembered everyone else, too, and began to cry. A single, perfect crystalline tear landed on the dried leaves that wrapped the package. Softly, the leaves sizzled away, revealing a letter and a small bundle of cloth. On top of the note lay a single molted feather that was the softest orange, palest blue, and purest white. Slaniyehkwa. Lifting the note with one thin, tiny, trembling hand, I read.
Dearest Canace,(it read)
I can only hope that this letter can cheer you on this holiday you spend alone. I, too, dread the moment I must leave, and in doing so leave you here all winter. You know that every year I leave a package for you in your little cottage of stone. I hope that this year, this package might lift your soul from the bottom of the sea (We are all deathly afraid of going out to sea. Salt water weighs down our wings.) and to the tops of the clouds at sunset. (We believe that the clouds are softest and most forgiving at sunset and dawn.) So I leave for you this one small token, and I hope that it will aid you in this long-awaited quest of yours. This will help fly to the tops of the clouds, to the bottoms of the hills, and past the stars. With this old proverb as a last thought, I leave you this.
Silver bells,
Slaniyehkwa
There was here an official-looking signature at the
bottom-she could make anything look very important-and then a small bit of
fluff, some dried-up moss with dirt clinging to it, and a little bit of a
shimmering powder. The fluff symbolized the cloud tops, the moss and earth hill
bottoms, and the shimmering powder stardust. She left it in all of her official
documents.
I opened up the
small package with my hand, tense with anticipation and trembling with
loneliness. Finally, the last layer. I held my breath as I peeled back the
fabric, leaves, bird down, moss, and everything else that could have possibly
been used to wrap it and protect it. I peeled back the layers, more and more I
pulled back my hand. The fire surged, throwing light around the now filthy
cottage. I did not notice it, nor the crazed look in my eyes that the light
lent me. I felt no cold, no loneliness, no fear. My entire existence had all
been nothing up to this point, it had all been preparation for me to receive
this-ball of mud. I felt the fire die down, the music inside me swell and drop.
A round, spherical object, dried hard. A few symbols were carved
on it. But wait-maybe if I broke it open to see what was inside.
Slowly, with my heart beating frantically, I raised a hammer, brought it down
and then cracked open the ball. It held…
p. 1
Yes, I know that the pages are listed backwards. THat's just easier for me to assemble that way. Later.